Ninetyfive.

So i didn't post all week because i gained a massive amount of weight over the weekend (monday included). However, in three days i managed to get it all off. Literally 0.1 pound away from being in the 100 range. Then i broke down.

See, I have finals at school this week and we get out at 11:50 in the morning. So i come home right after school to escape the rain and put on warm clothes. The down side of being home at noon? All you do is eat. All my friends leave school and go to in n out or panda express or some other fast food and i go home thinking i'll be better than them but i definitely wasn't today. I mean i'm sure that the burger they consumed has more than 812 calories and it took them 5 minutes to eat it when it took me 2 hours to eat that much. See, vegan things down have that many calories because you eat fruits and veggies all the time, except that now i always crave carbs. So of course i went back to my downfall of cereal. 110 calories per serving. That is where about half of those calories came from. And the sad part is that i know i'm not going to burn it off. I only have an hour of dance which burns about 220 calories and i know the bf is going to make me eat dinner with him. FML.

I know next week will be better. I will try not to weigh myself until next friday. That's seven days without knowing how much i weigh, but i can do it. I'm not going to weigh myself tomorrow and fret about all the weight i know i've gained from my 812 calories binge. (please don't judge me for that repulsive number of calories. I really didn't even want to share it all because it's so embarrassing) I'm just going to get through tomorrow. I'm taking the SAT for the first time and then i'm going to a dance rehearsal. At least the test will keep me away from food and the rehearsal will help me burn calories. I need to push the idea of my weight out of my head or else i'll end up with a knife to my skin.


Oh and minor detail. I found the food journal i kept when i was in 8th grade where i wrote down what i ate, how many calories, how much i weighed, and whether or not i pooped that day. I've taken to using it again. And i'm writing the same information that i wrote back then. It makes me realize how much i've eaten which i really need right now.

I desperately hope that you all are doing much better than I.
xo
-SW