Sixtynine.

So yesterday was absolutely ridiculous. Disneyland is a food house. I did have a good time and it wasn't crowded until later at night, but my dear god did i eat more than i should have. Started off the day with muffins(my daddy made me breakfast for my bday), then had some kettle corn, then a peanut butter cookie, cheese pizza for lunch, special K bar, shared a huge rice krispie treat with my mother, pasta with marinara sauce and a breadstick for dinner, an apple, and to top it all off i finished the day with a waffle cone with a scoop of cookies and cream ice cream and a scoop of nestle tollhouse cookiedough ice cream. I woke up and my stomach was still round.

Then i went downstairs to discover that my father had made my absolute favorite type of cookies. But of course they made me eat breakfast. Yogurt and a muffin. Then black bean taquitos and a cookie for lunch. Now i'm only going to go to a christmas party later to eat more food i don't need. Oh and i had a fight with my boyfriend this morning. fantastic. And i am also sick now. Stupendous.

not.

The only good thing about today is that i have resisted the intense urge to cut. After i eat a lot i get in a really bad mood from like a food coma or something and then i look at myself and i have the desire to cut. I think because i deserve the pain and just seeing myself so fat just brings back all the feelings of when i started restricting or from when i started cutting. I don't really know but whatever it is i always want to cut after i become visually more heavy.

The other good thing? Pretty much no matter what is served for dinner and if i end up eating with my boyfriend later, i will still have eaten less than i did yesterday which is a step in the right direction. Too bad i'm depressed from eating so much that i don't feel good about the better aspects of today.

I hope you all are doing significantly better than i am and loosing weight and in good holiday spirits

-SW