Sorry i haven't posted in so long.
Life has run me over.
...... too bad i wasn't squished into something a little smaller
means
gain gain gain galore
I can already tell that this (as my mom calls it) "cookie season" is going to be very hard to get through. I can't resist anything. ANYTHING. At least not so far. Fortunately, i still fit into my kids size jeans without suffocating. however, i am gaining and i can tell. It's going to be bad But being vegetarian helps me out sometimes. Like Christmas for example. I can't eat a lot of the stuff they're serving for dinner. but unfortunately they're making special things for me..... so that they can make sure that i eat.
FUCK THE FACT THAT MY PARENTS KNOW !
seriously it's so hard. If they hadn't found out my life would be so much easier. Now they're always skeptical of me and keen on my eating habits. They also make sure to buy me foods that i can eat when they're eating something else. And they always make sure to buy me things with protein. Too bad everything with protein has a million calories. fuck. why can't i just say "obliviate" and have their memories erased?
sorry. Harry Potter reference =]
In other news. I've been sick for 2 weeks now. that also sucks. but i would be sick for a month to have my parents forget about my eating and cutting habits.
*sigh* how does anyone get through a holiday season when their parents know that they were anorexic? I don't want to get sent to therapy again. I guess it helps that i can't eat any of the pies or cookies made with lard. There will also most likely be a salad which i will take a HUGE helping of. I just need to try and refrain from eating too many other cookies and breakfast foods. Delicious breakfast foods and cookies kill me. I can survive lunches and usually dinners just fine but breakfast and dessert ruin me.
and there are no tricks for these meals. You can't fake eating a belgian waffle in front of your whole family. And you can't sneak cookies away. And those cookies sit out for hours at a time tempting you for literally a month. I am about to die.
My first hope is that i can find some sort of self control or inner strength to make it through the holidays relatively OK. M second hope is that i get enough money during christmas to buy all the books i want read which (when i read them) will for sure spark new motivation to lose weight.
ugh. I will not survive the next few weeks in my kids jeans.
*pulls out the sweats*
2 comments:
I've missed you girlie. Trust me, we are all struggling with the Christmas sugary foods. e-mail me if you want to talk.
I hate cookie season. So I get through it by... how else? Baking cookies. sigh... I surely am a massochist.
Here's my number if you want to text. haha I know you don't really know me but if you need to, just text me. (845) 518 8099
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