Twentythree.

I'm back. But unfortunately, i've been caught. I was forced to call home from where i was and tell my parents against my will. They went through my entire room drawer by drawer and found everything and hid the scale and are now trying to get me to go see a phycologist. I only told one person because i wanted to make a goal to stop cutting. However, we discussed everything and now my parents are making sure that i eat. It doesn't look like i've gained too much so far, but who knows about the future. I was ok with going on the journey to try to stop the cutting because i know it's unhealthy, but i can't stop thinking about my weight. This will always be a part of me no matter how many people my parents make me go talk to and i don't think they realize that. I've already had to talk with a trained councilor and nothing in my mind has changed. I'm still the same girl who knows shes fat and is willing to starve to loose all that extra weight. My life is kind of on hiatus right now and have no idea what's coming. And to tell you the truth, i'm scared to death. If they make me gain weight, i will be even more depressed than i was before and that will only lead to more cutting which nobody wants. Why can't they just trust me to not cut? And how about not making up excuses to have me eat in front of them. That would be fantastic. I can see straight through their excuses. Why can't they just let me be. I think that would be the best therapy. Because honestly, i was the one who went to get help about my cutting. I think they're forgetting that. Obviously i want to make a change in my life. They think i'm completely against them and that there's something wrong with me. If they would just let me sort out my own life instead of throwing a ton of new things at me in a sad attempt to help i would be much better off. I can tell that my immediate future is going to be rough. sigh.