Right now i'm feeling like a pro and con list is in order. Two of them actually. Here we go:
My Situation:
+: My parents aren't always home
+: School keeps me away from questioning
+:Only one of my friends knows
+:She is still my friend despite what i do
+:Being at dance all night on tuesdays means i don't have to eat
+:I dance enough to work off most of what i eat (unless i binge)
+:My mom is leaving for a week on friday !!!!! (no more bugging me about anything!!)
-:My parents currently question me all the time
-:I've had to talk to a doctor and a therapist
-:I'm pretty much back at my starting weight... (biggest disappointment)
-:My boyfriend knows
-:My therapist is trying to make me spiritual !! wtf ! (i'm atheist)
-:She also pisses me off now
-:I found out i have to go to therapy 6 times
Today
+:I'm not allowed to leave so i won't be eating out with my boyfriend
+:I've only had 190 calories so far today
+:I've burnt off 96 of that already
+:I haven't cut so far today
+:I wore a really cute outfit haha =]
+:Dinner is 190 calories if i eat all of it
+:380 is so much less than i've been eating
-:My bf is going to be mad when i tell him i can't leave
-:I still have to eat more
-:My therapist pissed me off today
-:Burnt myself twice
As for the fact that i've only had 190 calories today, i can't even begin to explain how amazing that is. I've been forced to eat during the week last week and then over the weekend (including friday night) I ate more than i think i've ever eaten in 3 days. And that includes even before i stopped eating the first time. I've been at family functions all weekend and have gone out to dinner every night. With dessert all 3 times. If it tells you anything i actually had to unbutton my pants and walk around slowly for about 15 minutes because i couldn't sit down, i ate so much. I honestly thought i was going to throw up if i sat down anywhere. That's how bad its been the past few days. Other than that it hasn't been terrible i guess... its obviously more than i was eating since i've been forced to eat something during all three meals of the day everyday whether i'm with my family or my boyfriend. But only 5 more days until school starts thank god! Once i'm at school not eating will be sooooo much easier its ridiculous. I get up earlier than my mom, so she can't check if i ate breakfast, i'm at school all day so she can't check if i ate lunch, and at least one day a week (well starting the second week of school because dance doesnt start again until then) i don't eat dinner at home so they can't check if i ate anything for dinner ! So basically, the only thing i have to eat everyday is dinner. And i walk to and from school everyday, so i get a shitload of exercise during the school year. It's over a mile there and back plus walking around at school and dance team 6th period and then dance at my studio after school. I'm excited for everything except the homework haha. Well, i guess i have to read now. Think thin and i will hopefully be joining up with Ana and you all again soon enough !
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