Eighteen.

I'm convinced that my metabolism is completely shot. If i don't eat really well or exercise at least a little i don't loose anything or i gain. For example i went wakeboarding and wakesurfing on saturday and that should have burned a whole lot of calories. I ate very well that day i ate pretty much all fruits and vegetables and a burger with no bun or condiments but i had 2 drinks that night. The next morning i woke up with weight gain. It's the most frustrating thing. I'm trying so hard right now, but my body just won't let me and it's really discouraging. It's like i'm trying this hard for nothing. I've been eating well for a little less than 2 weeks and i've lost 3 pounds. What happened to when i could loose 7 pounds in a week?

It also makes it hard because this is my fourth attempt. What's worse is that the first three were at least relatively easy. I can tell you that attempts one and two took almost  no effort. Starving didn't seem to phase me and i lost a lot of weight both times. Try number three took only slightly longer because i had to hide it from people. It was my first attempt since telling anyone what i was doing, but none the less i got down to 99.8 pounds.

Now here i am at my fourth try. The third one in 3 months and my body isn't cooperating. I've never had this problem before nor have a i read about it on anyone else's blog. The only problems people run into are secrecy and bingeing. I don't know what to do with myself. All i know is that i want to be 99 pounds by school and i have determination right now to do that. I really hope i can accomplish it because just reading those numbers on the scale will erase all obstacles i had to overcome to get there.

how i feel right now:

"Shadow" - Maria Mena

give it a listen<3