Me.

I'm 16 years old.

5'3 tall

around 103 lbs.

Here's my story:

I discovered the world of ana when i was in eighth grade and it took me over. I got so scared of reaching 100 pounds, I did everything i could to loose weight and keep it off. Unfortunately, my weight loss and eating habits were very noticeable to my friends and they intervened. I was forced to eat again. I still tried to not eat because those three digits scared me so much. However, my friends were on my case and with getting a little taller and a lot more muscular i couldn't stay under 100 pounds. For the next year and a half i went on countless diets in attempts to loose weight without being too drastic. A few of them worked but it was so frustrating. Until one day a few months ago my boyfriend wanted to know how much i weighed because he thought i was thin, so i stepped on the scale and to my utter disbelief it read 109. That was one of the worst moments of my life. I was so embarrassed to admit that i weighed that much. My boyfriend thought that that was a low number, but that was the most i had ever seen the scale read. I was so scared and realized i had to do something. I went on a few diets but started to realize that the only way i could really get it off would be to starve. Once i began a little more than a month ago i lost seven pounds in the first week and stayed at about 102 or 101. Except for the two beautiful days when i was only 100. Then, one drunken night i spilled my secret to someone. Word spread around the house until my boyfriend found out. Unfortunately for me, he had found out not only that i had been starving myself but that i was also a cutter. I began to cut when i reached that plateau of 101 pounds and i felt lost and hopeless that i couldn't loose weight anymore. I feel i deserve the pain of each cut for being so fat. I had to tell him everything because he was freaked out and wanted to know everything and asked me questions for hours. Since then i have put on 3 pounds to date and i feel literally obese. 104 is really not acceptable and i plan to continue starving behind everyones backs just like i have continued to cut behind everyones backs. Cutting was the only way i could deal with people forcing me to put on weight. I currently hate my body and i desperately want it to change.

-SW